1. I miss you, but the fact that you go so long without talking to me makes me believe you don't feel the same.

2. You are, legitimately, the best of friends I've ever had. You're so fucking real, apart from all these fakers. You listen to me, even when I just sit there and bitch, and you always make me feel so much better. I've never ever been this close to someone, especially so fast. I care about you a lot, and don't ever want to lose you as a best friend.

3. You're replacing me with her, and it's pissing me the fuck off. You've been such a bitch lately, and I don't even know why. Don't tell me I'm wrong, cause other people agree with me.

4. You're the most fortunate unfortunate person I know. How you get so many people to care unconditionally for you and pay attention to you, I will never know. But you're good at it, and I have to admit I'm jealous. But mostly because everyone's starting to care more about you than they do me.

5. I'm hoping you just forgot, but man. Way to discuss plans in front of me after saying you'd include me in them.


6. I promise you, I'm not always like this. I don't want to make you think I'm like this, because it's not the person you fell in love with. I hate everyone. I hate them all for making me show this side to you...

I hate being alone.

And not alone in the sense that no one's physically with me.
Just alone in the sense that I have lots of friends who are half-assed. And alone in the sense that when I care a lot about someone, it never fails to feel like it's one way.
Alone in the sense that I'm constantly left out of plans with my friends, and no one ever even thinks to ask me to come along. And they don't reply when I try to talk to them. And then the next day, they come in and tell me about the great time they had. It's not that I don't care. I just really don't want to hear it. It hurts.
Alone in the sense that the only person who never fails to talk to me, and actually misses me on a daily basis, is about 400 miles away in the state with possibly the shittiest reception ever.

It upsets me that I have friends who are supposed to be the closest to me, but don't act like they miss me when they go weeks without hanging out with me.

I also hate when people who supposedly know me can't tell that I'm upset unless I'm crying in front of them, or doing this.
And even then, they don't notice 90% of the time.

I'm so on the fence I can't stand it.
I either really like myself, or really hate myself.
I'm making it my goal to pick one or the other.

I also need to stop letting other people decide whether I'm happy or not.
If people don't care about me the way I care about them; fuck it.
I'll find someone who does.

As of right now, I'm slowly figuring out who I should put effort into and and who I shouldn't.
Yay me.

Okay, so, hai LJ. I know I have a terrible habit of dying for weeks at a time. I'll try to cut back on that. Lately, everything has been fine I guess, minus some insecurities in my head. But I'm working through those insecurities, because I now realize that those insecurities are what fucked me over last year. So... happy thoughts. Focus, Katelyn. >:o
Today is me and Andrew's two month anniversary. I know two months isn't a very long time at all, but it means a lot to me, because it's longer than we lasted last time, technically. It's proof that things this time are different, even though there's proof in everything we say and do. Oh well, let me enjoy it. It feels like it's been something like five months rather than two, anyhow. Time is going so slowly.

For some reason, I've become reobsessed with the word "faggot". I changed every tag on the top of my Mozilla to have "fag" in it somewhere, ie; MyFag, Facefaggot, FagJournal, Stickfag, my Yearfag, Fagbucket, FagTube, AOL.fag, etc. I blame Mindless Self Indulgence, which I've also strangely become reobsessed with. OH. Speaking of band obsessions, I've taken more than a liking to Owl City. -points to lyrics at the top of this post- See? Aren't they so cute?

I'm so excited for Friday, not only because I get to see most of my Salem friends in a giant clusterfuck in downtown Salem (ie; Robinson, Aaron, Sam, Timmy and Annabel. Timmy's girlfriend Jeremy is going too? I thought Jeremy was just a guy's name, but okay.) but because of my friend Annabel, in particular. She was my best friend in fourth grade, when I lived in Salem. I haven't seen her in 6-7 years, but we just recently started talking again, and now I get to see her again, too. ^-^

I have an extremely bad case of hiccups right now, gawrsh. And I'm gonna go now, because Andrew's calling me and I have to go shower before I can watch Glee (yet another new obsession). TOODLES.